*notice* 26MAR2004/09:40am
MOOD: cheerful

this life is over.

and out.

i've chosen in different route, i'm a Christian now. yea, i've always believed in God, but things have drastically changed in my life. I believe in this lifestyle because It's the truth, and i'm proud of it. I'm clean now too, quit smoking, drinking, and everything else. I've chosen this lifestyle, because it's right for me, and i'm not looking for your acceptance in this journey. i hope that some of you at least will add my new new start in life...


p.s. i'm the happiest i've ever been in my life. i have the most incredible relationship with our Creator, and the most amazing inspiring friends a girl could ask for.

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i love you all
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i want you to come home jess!

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MOOD: content

it's been so insane lately. i keep screwing up little things at work because i have so much on my mind. school is getting quite intense. exams and papers and STRESS altogether. i'm going to be volunteering some time at the orlando museum of art. besides the fact that it would be fun, it would look good on my resume. i've been trying to call mike lately but his phone says 'this phone is not accepting calls at this time...etc' so i'm like hrmmm that sucks. i don't work again until sunday so i'm happy about that.i hsve a feeling i'll get called in on saturday though which would be fine since i need the money. i wanna go to nj for spring break but i highly doubt i'll be able to. i don't think i can get off of work and plus i have like no cash flow. it's still the only thing i would want to do. otherwise i'll just try to work as many hours as possible. i miss jules and jess.

my garage door opener is like DEAD. so i'm going to this battery store so they can fix it or give me a new battery or whatever they need to do. cuz i'm tired of using the front door.

i need a tattoo. i need to save money. i wish i made more money.i get a bonus next month though so yey.

well i guess i'll be outta here now. i've droned on long enough.

[tomorrow is friday, thank God]

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i'd like to say HELLO to everyone and anyone. someone talk to me please. i never have any comments . i know some of you read though, i mean i know i'm not THAT boring haha. hrmm well maybe i am.

/end sad case of boredom

moving on..grandpa drac died. it was horrendous and i'll be sure to never attend another funeral again. it was horribly sad. mike's lookin for another job at the moment, we're all worried. i had to miss friday at school cuz of the funeral. so i have a couple things to make up. which is stressful. gotta take 2 tests today. and a paper's due. i've decided that after college i'm moving to manhattan. i've also decided that i'm going to buy a laptop.

cool now that i rambled, i'm outta here.
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cool ok now that we got that outa the way.
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remind me never to use livejournal again
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MOOD: content

well it's been confirmed, my step dad's out of a job. he gets 2 months paid after his last day, but let's just hope he cam find another one in the allotted time. or we're pretty much fucked. apparently telecom jobs are few and far between.

school's been going well, but it's been stressful. i'm shooting for this $500 award so i'm going to all these shitty seminars and stuff. pretty much anything is worth 500 bucks right now. my car payments are only 170 a month so i still have spending money, but i'm tryin to pay more each month to get it paid off faster. i bought a couple cd's yesterday, i'm happy with them. i got alkaline trio-good mourning and vaux-there must be some way to stop them. the alk3 cd is really super good, much better then from here to infirmary, and it's even a little better than maybe i'll catch fire. but the vaux cd is A-FUCKING-MAZING. lemme tell ya, i love it. it really hits the spot for what i feel like listenin to lately.

well i'm off, gonna go relax while i have the chance.

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MOOD: blah

my step grandpa is dying. he's in the hospital and he's doing really bad. we don't know if he'll make it. i worked a real long day yesterday and then i couldn't sleep last night. it's been a bad weekend. a bad week altogether. it's just been a real sad and confusing and stressful time for us all.i sure hope things work out. i just wanna scream or sleep.

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welllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll, things are as shitty as ever. my dog was in the doggy hospital with pancreatitis. and i was SO worried about him and i missed him. but he's finally back home and back to normal. mike's dad is in the hospital again, the chemo is really fucking up his body. so everyone's stressed and sad cuz we don't know how much longer he'll be here. i didn't get my pertty corolla s. the bank i tried to get a loan through the bank and apparently they've gotten like super strict. my mom mas my cosigner, because i don't really have any credit. and we got turned down for the loan because my mom has 'too much credit'. fucked up i know. so bank loans are out of the question because they're assheads. so now i'm going to go to a dealer. because they'll finance a bum. so i'm just going to buy me something really cheap that will last me 6 months to a year. under $8,000. and i'm going to spend that time getting credit and making my payments on time and all that. and then i can try financing the car i REALLY want once i've paid it off. plus it gives me more time to save money for a larger down payment. i just hope when the time comes i can find another used 2003 corolla s 5-speed. pfft i really hope so. i don't want to buy it brand new. it's worthless. anyway, i gotta get outta here.

wish me luck i'm going to look at some cars this afternoon.
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i'm buying a new car!! exciting i know. i'm getting a 2003 toyota corrola sport. it's so nice. i've been looking corrollas ever since i knew i wanted a new car, but they've been a little too much money and plus i didn't reallyyyyy love the models i saw. until i saw the car brandy bought. she got the corolla s and i've been in love with it since i got it. i hope she doesn't think i'm tryin to copy her haha the sport is a lot cooler than the normal models. so anyway, i didn't think i could afford it, till i came across a private seller on auto trader selling a black one with only 12000 miles on it! and he's selling it for 12500. which is great because i know we can talk him down from that. the only thing is it's a manual but i'm going to learn how to drive a stick shift tonight and i'm excited cuz i've always wanted a manual. so it comes with tinted windows and leather seats too. which i think came as an upgrade package cuz most of the sports i've come across didn't have those. so i contacted the seller and i'm going to go test drive it on friday and possibly buy it as well. if i don't get it friday, it will be early next week then. depends on how all the bank shit goes down. stressful but exciting. this is the first big thing i'm doing myself. i mean, granted i had some help with the money i have for the down payment, but i've earned a lot of it myself. and plus i won't have any help with my payments. i'm going to take so much care of this car. i can't wait. i hope everything goes ok in the buying process.

everything else is going great too. my classes are going grrrreat. i know this is going to be a good semester. my humanities teacher is great. i can tell it's going to be one of those amazing classes where we have deep conversations all the time. i love those classes. don't come across those very often.

man i'm so glad i get to keep my job at piercing pagoda. andrea pierced my other cartlidge a few days ago. and i got these cut little skull earrings for my 3rd holes. i keep losing the balls for my labret rings. it's the past 2 months i've lost like 10 balls, i'm not exaggerating. because i have to take it out for work so i'm always doing it in the car, and so now i have 10 balls lost in my car somewhere. hahaha how annoying.

so what else...hrmm..i gotta call brandy and tell her i'm buying her car hehehe well i think it's a compliment that she has great taste in cars. alright i'm outta here. toodles
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sooooo today i go to school. i'm excited. i hope i meet some amusing people. last semeseter kinda sucked as far as that went.

so i spent saturday night with jess and julian!!! it was so great seeing them!! they came over and finally met my mom and used my puter [which they were laughing at me because it's in my closet] and then we went to unity. jess got this nifty cool design that i didn't even notice had these dolphins in it. hhah. she was trying to talk me into getting one, which i would but i don't have enough cash flow for that right now. so we left and went to rocky's and jess and i kicked ass at like every single shooting game, particularly house of the dead. we had these huge pump action shotguns that were kinda heavy after a while haha it was a lot of fun. then we went to steak n shake where we ate dinner at 10:30 and talked and such. i was going to go to pine island with them on sunday but my mom became psycho and wouldn't let me go. when julian and jess left my house, my mom and i had this huge fight and then she realized she was dumb for not letting me go, and said sorry, but the only way i could have gone is if i drove with them [my car won't make it there] so ofcourse after they had left, it was too late. but i guess it worked out cuz i got called into work anyways on sunday.

oh yeah, my job isn't seasonal anymore. the key sales girl gave her 2 week notice, so in like a week i'll be permanent. and being permanent has lots of ups . like big bonuses every month,and a dollar for each piercing i do, and a couple other little things. but that bonuses are badass, i'll get anywhere from 200-500 extra bucks if the store does good. and the store has been doing extremely good. like yesterday we did 190% of our goal. which is awesome.

sooooo yea, twas a good weekend and i'm really glad i got to see my jersey buddies. and after i get my car and i don't have to worry so much about saving money, i'm going to fly up there to see them. i'm getting my car feb. 1st by the way. so hopefully sometime in february.

alright i gotta get going, i got shit to do this morning. no class till noon :) buhbye
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MOOD: calm

sooooo, i bought the extended version dvd for the two towers. so worth it. i'm glad i got it. i bought it for myself for my bday (jan. 7th) . which was, by the way, pretty good. i got money and we went to dinner at the melting pot fondue restaurant. had lots of fun there. the only thing that sucked , and it sucked pretty royally, was seeing heather. i went up to her work, which was my last resort since she hasn't answered her phone for 3 months. i went with the intentions of telling her how i think her fiance is manipulating and controlling her, and i don't think she realizes it. i went there knowing that by telling her this i wasn't going to get my friend back, but i told her anyways, because i think she has more of a chance of realizing how he is, than us being friends again anytime soon. basically i just wanted her to think twice about this guy. and i didn't think i would make an impact , but i think it did , whether she'd like to admit it or not. i told her that he's been using her social security number, and that he doesn't even have one, and if he does it's under a different name. she said she didn't believe me, and i couldn't believe how much she was protecting him. i mean she's known me for 6 years, she's known him for a year, and she wouldn't believe me? it's not like i've ever given her a reason not to trust me. and i wouldn't have anything to gain from it anyways, and in actuality i knew that by telling her what i knew, it would push her farther away from me. and ofcourse it did, but i took that chance because i truly believe that she's in danger and i believe she should know if something like that is going on. whether it be physical abuse, i don't know, i wouldn't be surprised if he ever hits her, but i know that he's mentally fucking her. so after like 20 minutes of me trying to get to her, her emotions never showed. which hurt me even more. when i was pouring my heart out, crying, all she could do was stare off into space, like she was in a trance. and i left. and i got into my car and i was sobbing uncontrollably for like 10 minutes. it would have been a little easier to say goodbye to a friend of 6 years, if she had shown some emotion as to if she'd cared about me at all in our friendship. so anyways, i left and as i'm driving, omar calls me, as if i really wanted to fucking hear from him right at that moment. he basically calls me every name in the book and threatens to take me to court, oh no i'm scared. and his tone, language and mood change from the first segment of his phone call to his last segment proves my theory even more that he's a psychotic fucking lunatic. and i['m so fucking sick of telling this story too. gets me mad every time . i feel like i've endured enough, and even though i still believe that omar is behind all this bullshit, i'm going to move on. but it's still hard. and if it IS heather and she's just become a coldhearted grudgeholding dependant-completely-upon-my-boyfriend type of person, then so be it. that sucks but that's life.

but other than that, my birthday was good and i'm 20 now and i feel no different.


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so xmas was great. let's see, i got :

an awesome turntable
10GB iPod
$50 best buy gift card,
basket of yummy lotions and soaps and such
italian charm bracelet
2 other bracelets

and then after spending a bunch of money on everyone's presents, i decided that i deserved some stuff for all the work i've been doing so i went shopping for myself and got :

a leather case for my iPod
a firewire card for my PC
nicer headphones for my iPod
3 records : lost in translation sdtrk, elliott smith [either/or], and these arms are snakes[this is meant to hurt you].

so i really was blessed this xmas. and the money i got is going towards the down payment for my new car next month. my birthday is in a week so i should be getting some more money to help pay for that as well. thank god, my car is just really on its last leg.

and today i'm really missing heather , i wonder how her xmas was. fucking friendships dying, it's such shit, soon we'll pass eachother and give casual waves. fuck that i'm gonna go watch tv.
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work has been frickin crazy lately, but it's cool cuz i have money. i'm saving most of it to go towards buying a new car, but i'm using a little of it to buy a record player.can't wait for that. woo! i'm up so early today, gotta be at work at 10. i'm so happy school is pretty much over with, tuesday i have my digital media final but that'll be unbelievably easy.

alrighty i'm gonna go get breakfast and then shower. toodles
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MOOD: bouncy

Monday - 12-12:50 intro to humanities
1-2:15 web publishing

Tuesday - 10-11:15 algebra

Wednesday – 9-11:45 imaging for digital media
12-12:50 intro to humanities
1-2:15 web publishing

Thursday – 10- 12:20 algebra

Friday – 12-12:50 intro to humanties

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MOOD: artistic

so i just watched the shape of things, which is officially one of my favorite movies now. it was amazing.

it's so hard to type with nails. grrr.

i'm doing nothing today and it's everything i could imagine it'd be. haha i'm just sitting here composing together a cd. it will consist of funeral for a friend, and i haven't figured out what else yet. my nose is cold.

god i'm so glad this semester is almost over. last day of class is thursday i think. minus the exams. gotta go finish making this cd. seeya

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MOOD: gloomy

made a new layout for this.

it's pretty.

god today has been so ... lifeless

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MOOD: cold

isn't it funny how some of the people you were once so close with soon become the people you send those prepackaged xmas cards to? the ones that say like 'best wishes this holiday!'. so meaningless and empty.

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